(In)sensitivity and Indifference
I dislike loneliness. It kills. May be it is partly due to the fact that I have grown up in a (relatively) big family with sisters making noise all the time. =P Thus I can still proudly say that, all my schooling years till now, I am blessed to have met with friends that I hold dear to my heart, especially mc gang and some helpians whom I miss dearly like sara, yk, cw…miss talking to you all but then com is down and I cannot afford to call you all. Imagine me left with Rm 7.30 after a week of reloading my digi.
Anyway, sorry I digressed. So back to my original train of thoughts. What I dislike more than loneliness is insensitive people and sensitive people. Insensitive people are those who think that just because you do not conform to their ways of thinking, what they perceive as socially right, jokes they think are funny and stuff they think is rude, you are WRONG. Just because a majority seem to like them, they think that you, being different from them, has violated the social rules.
Sensitive people are those who get so petty over trivial matters. People who view a small hole as a giant cave. People who are so full of themselves that they always think others are wrong and not them.
Before I move on, allow me to introduce a word that I will use from now onwards. It was originally coined by mc gang to talk about Justin(a). The word is SHIM, derived from SHe-HIM. Now you get it?It is genderless, thus, I can use is safely to pen my thoughts in case some self-sensed (word coined by ai nee to mean perasan) people decide that I am bitching about them, when the truth is, they have hurt me at one point or another.
Shim Number 1
Shim number one was quite an independent, outstanding person in the sense that shim speaks shim’s mind loud and clear to anyone, without being considerate. What is meant to be a well-meaning advice will turn out to be harsh words that pierce one’s heart like a sword. Shim doesn’t put shim’s self into others’ shoes and think about how embarrassed they may feel when shim shoots the comment to the person right on the spot. Worse, shim likes to comment on one’s habit of doing something, which I think is kinda like invading one’s privacy. I felt hurt and shocked when I was attacked, yet I emerged a stronger person.
I don’t know if shim realised that what I have for shim is some degree of respect due to the way shim carries shim’s self. However, I am indifferent to shim. Do not think that I do NOT know what is going on if I do not confront you. I chose to be the person with a bigger heart, I chose to give a stairways for you to back off graciously instead of poking you right in your face. And because I chose to take criticism constructively, I am not hurt by you..anymore. "Sticks and stones may break by bones, but words can never hurt me".
Shims Number 2
For convenience’s sake, I have generalised some people whom I have crossed path with as shims number 2. They are people who think that girls walk around meaning to be kissed by any guy. They sorta lack respect for girls and think that as long as they think that certain things are socially right to them, they do not need to care what others may feel about it. Worse, they NEVER admit their faults. Saying sorry is like a prick in their’e egoes, thus, they refuse to do it. All my life I have never met these kind of people and initially, I was really hurt and down. I wonder why on earth they cannot leave me alone since we can give each other due respect and nothing more.
As time goes by, there are one of two shims whom I think have more courtesy now. At least there are a few circumstances which I think they show some respect and politeness. I guess we are all changing. What I can say is, time really tells. Time heals all wounds, and time can nurture the seeds of friendship.
Shim Number 3
Shim number 3 may seem ’shy’, quiet and innocent to you. Shim may seem oblivious to what is going on but like my sis put it,‘at times, one must be innocent to dig out more stuff.’ I cannot stand people like shim who has never been really close to you, talk to you in a overly friendle manner. What is worse is, shim’s other half has hurt you before and shim seems to think that you are the one at fault. May be shim is trying to live in denial. Or love really is blind. Shim’s over-friendly manner is like trying to coat a bitter pill with sugarly sweet chocolate coating that make you really sick coz it is so ‘filling’.
Shims number 4
Some time ago, I thought I found someone whom I could click with. Smoeone who sort of share the same perspectives with me in many things. I can tell you, I was so so so so HURT in that. I guess I am a silly girl who gives too much in friendship. The person used my friend’s and mine sincerity. They used us for excuses to go out (because their parents will grant them permissions if they know those shims are going out with us decent, responsible friends) , they used us for transport, for homework. I guess from there, I learnt that the truth may not be what it seems all the time. May be because of them, I am not blatantly a giver in friendship now; I am more guarded. May be because of that, it is harder to break the ice with me.
But please do NOT misunderstand. I still believe in sincere friendship. In fact, some people have told me that I am outspoken. ^_^ My reply to them is, I am outspoken when I think I meet people of the same wavelength with me. Cheers to friends out there who have been there through thick and thin, who have listened to me patiently and not judged me otherwise. You all are the best!! *hUgZ*
I would like to leave you all with these quotes that I came across in doing my debate research on altruism(loving others as oneself, self-sacrifice for the benefit of others).
"There is a power in love that our world has not discovered yet. Jesus discovered it centuries ago. Mahatma Gandhi of India discovered it a few yers ago, but most men and most women never discover it. For they believe in hitting for hitting; they believe in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth; they believe in hating for hating; but Jesus cames to us and says, "This isn’t the way." And this morning, I think of the fact that our world is in transition now. Our whole world is facing a revolution." ~Martin Luther King, Junior.
