Once In A Blue Moon

             Have you always been the one who sits at the back row, WAITING for other people to speak up? How you always been the one who nudges the person next to you to ask a question/ask for something that you want? Hey, if you want it, then it is YOUR PART to stand up and SPEAK UP!!

              In London they have the Speaker’s Corner whereby commoner like you and I can just stand up and speak our minds. In stark contrast, the culture in our country is one where people talk the hell out of something they are not satisfied AT THE BACK of the authority yet do not voice up their opinions even when pestered upon. I wonder if it is lack of courage or the sheer despicable attitude that ’someone else will take care of it’.

               Sometimes people choose to shove the duties to others because they do not want to held responsible should anything goes wrong. They rather take a back seat and let other people run the show. I am not saying that everyone should speak up like there is no tomorrow (there is always a limit to everything, some poeple should look into euphemism/tact-the art of talking), yet I think everyone of us needs some motivation and a little reminder that it is ok to speak up in what you believe in.

             Of course you must ‘agree to disagree’ with your fellow club members/colleagues in an organization. We all grow up having different upbringing and education background. The people whom we meet so far, help to form who we are today. We are not even the same person this year as last year, so how do we expect someone who grows up in an entirely different environent to THINK like us???

              Just like this blog of mine which is public. You may not agree with what I voice up, but please respect my views because this is mY blog =) I realised a lot of people are reading it without me knowing (I found out lately..I am sure there are more out there) And it get sspread around because some people link me up ( I wasn’t informed by the way). This goes to show how people have evolved to gossiping at the water cooler in the office to reading about people’s life on blogs WITHOUT them knowing.

             When I made this a public blog, I do KNOW the consequences. However, the benefits outweigh the disadvantages because it really linked me up with some old friends. And I have not revealed my deepest feelings in here because this blog ain’t supposed to be emotional. It is more like informative and ‘pictorial’.

              So if you think you REALLY know me after reading my blog, think again. I just wanna end this with this message:

            I am not sleepy now and I actually have the will and sorta mood to study BUT then I am pretty stressed now after reading the lecture note on mass spectrometry part I. I sat down for some time and only ‘got the rough idea of’ (not even fully get it) the mechanism-cleavage of the bonds yadda yadda..the problem is to figure out which part TO CUT!!!!!Thus here am I.

             Oh, did I mention that I used to love chem in high school that it mattered quite a bit to me if I scored or not? The fact that my chem teacher was the type who answered my Qs with ‘jadi, apa kamu fikir?’ makes me more inquisitive in my ‘quest for the knowledge in chemistry’. The fact that she always answer my Qs with more Qs prompted me to really THINK and get more interest in chemistry. Even in A levels, though overwhelmed by those s,p,d,f and more complicated rules in electron-bonding, I was still ok with chemistry; though I realised chemistry could no longer answer my Qs, or rather, I could no longer figure out the answers to the many Qs I have in chemistry.

              Since I entered uni, I grew to dislike chemistry.I totally dislike STEREOCHEMISTRY because my head spins and spins everytime I try to imagine how those isomers spin. My ‘fav’ shape will be hexagon for the obvious reason–benzene ring. Just flip through the British Pharmacopoeia, my dear medic friends (because others won’t know what I am talking about, and pharmacy friends are well aware of this AGONY) and you will find MOST of the compounds bearing a (subsituted) benzene ring.

            So I am in Pharmacy and my first love is NOT chemistry. It is like waking up in the morning and realise that you lost the love for your partner who sleeps next to you in bed. (*humour intended*) Even wen yuen related to me how Prof Stephen D. in Uni of Nottingham said to the class, ‘when you all wrote your personal statement, you told us how much you are fascinated with chemistry, now….’ OH well, things change. I realised I like biology MUCH MUCH more (minus the anatomy and structure OK!!)–pathophysiology is so interesting!!  I can’t wait to say goodbye to chemistry after this sem, coz sem 5 onwards we have NO chemistry!!!!

           So I ask myself what do I like in pharmacy?? To start with the modules, I quite like pharmacology, pharmaceutics and behavioural science. Yes, I LOVE reading stuff on behavioural science and enjoy the session when they test us on communication skills and dealing with simulated patients (MINUS those stressful bit on ‘deducting marks)- I love the challenge in talking to difficult patients rather than solving tons of questions in spectroscopy, organic chemistry, gel electrophoresis…….         

             I got the much-needed relief when my mum’s friend who was a pharmacist turned ex-assistant GM in the renowned retail pharmacy turned assistant GM of a pharmaceutical company now, told me that she forgot those stuff that she learnt in uni (NOT as in which drug for which treatment-those stuff get etched in your mind when you practice pharmacy); and in hospital pharmacy, those pharmacists told me that whatever ‘angle’ (angle of repose), rotation about what bonds, plants name like sth belladona WILL NOT matter when you come out and work, unless, of course, you want to be a lecturer.

              However, it kind of sucks when you no longer can do what you used to do. Sigh. You keep wondering, ‘what if….’ and bring on the notions of ‘the road not taken’…you keep pondering on what lies ahead of you….then, you get back to reality…and more stress plagued you..the portfolio that requires you to choose a drug (yes, as in sildnafil, theophylline those REAL drugs) and show how you are going to analyze them *Chemistry again*, the pile of notes that you have yet to digest, the uni days that lie ahead…….

          On the brighter side, it does make a difference when you have something to look forward to- you no longer feel that life is so rote-learning, memorizing and regurgitating stuff. When you have chinese new year and gatherings to look forward to…when you have true friends to talk to, when you have this ‘ultimate goal’ of being a professional to sustain your current ‘hang fuk’ lifestyle, you thank your parents for having brought you thus far, and you give yourself a pat on the shoulders for having walked thus far to be where you are now. 

p/s: I miss mandarin oriental’s dimsum, paramount’s prawn mee, jalan 222’s hokkien mee.

p/s 2: I need to get a wallet though I LOVE my roxy wallet because the inner compartments have holes =(

p/s 3: Once I get my paycheque,(I hope it will be before CNY), I think I will get another pair of Levi’s jeans (my first and only pair of Levi’s was bought using my FIRST paycheque ever) AND a new wallet.

Life is not that bad after all.

             When kk and Nicholas came to our class and announced to us that imu will be having a Carnival in conjunction with its 15^th anniversary, and that it will be a joint effort by Medical and Pharmacy students, I can’t help but to feel a bit lifted up. Yet, it is a mixed feeling. For one, it is something that we, or at least, I, can look forward to. In secondary school days, we have things like valentines’ day sale (That’s when my Interact Club gets to read dedications from among the students-first hand gossips =P), Teachers’ Day (early dismissal at 1p.m. means klcc usually, due to the convenience of lrt), Concert, Sports Day etc…

          Even in college days, we have the A level ball, sports carnival, A level play etc. to look forward to. These events make your life in the institution less dry- when you are looking forward to an occasion, before you knew it, time flies pass. Then there is this indescribable great sense of ties, of bonds that you truly feel with those people whom you have worked together to organize a certain event; or of whom you have cheered together in the event that you participated. I still remember how ADP students cheered for us A level students when we did the tug-of-war against the team who beat them, the Law team. =) That was me doing tug-of-war, yes, you didn’t get it wrong- sara and I were one of those few who stayed till the end of the rainy Sports Carnival Day coz we had netball competition.

                     So when I heard that this is the FIRST time (as far as I know) that medical and pharmacy students are having a joint effort, and not to mention the first time pharmacy students are given such an important responsibility of organizing (A sign that the medical students or at least the student representative council do care about our views), I feel so happy and relieved. It is like, this is the chance for the medical and pharmacy students to break that existent-yet-not-much-talked-about barrier, built up due to the difference in timetable, the superior mindset of some medical students (no offense intended) and of the unavoidable conflict that arose during IMU cup.

              I am happy that my friends, (also debate partners) like kk and nick do not have this mindset that ‘mpharm is better than bpharm’. In fact, having another split among the pharmacy faculty is something we all LEAST wanted. Do you remember how overwhelming the feeling was on the cheerleading competition night? How the whole building was echoing the deafening chants of ‘pharma, pharma pharm..pharmacy…..’ by the ever-united pharmacy students clad in purple attire. I wasn’t there physically, but I could already feel that sentiment when the students belted out the cheers during rehearsal sessions.

               Likewise, when you work together for a BIG event like this, whereby your common goal is to uphold the standard of imu to the public, and raise the targeted amount of Rm 50k to help the orphans, all the students involved will inevitably form close bonds.

                    As there are meetings, you tend to spend more time with people whom you have not worked with/ known before. Just like how I got close to my debate friends when I discovered my interest in debate due to IMU cup. But I digress. It is my sincere hope that this event will bring together medical and pharmacy students to further level of understanding. There is a peribahasa which says ‘tak kenal maka tak cinta’ so may the seeds of friendship prevail!!

p/s: I still don’t know if I should join the commitee. Part of me really miss the good old interact days in secondary school, another part of me really want to do something for bpharm (it is time we help our mpharm friends, and to show the rest that we DO CARE), but another part of me is screaming really loud at me, ‘please do NOT slack, please buck up your below-expectation results before you get yourself distracted with debate and events like this!!!" I don’t know which voice to follow……

             How would you all have least wanted to spend your tuesday morning? How does sacrificing your beauty sleep to attend a 9.15 a.m. lab session on playing ‘chemistry lego’ sounds like to you? Well, that is what our class had to do today; the only consolation was we do not need to write a report!!

From left: L-alanine, Glycine zwitterion, dipeptide molecule formed by joining L-alanine and glycine

The threesome in lab (from left): Sin Qi, steph the camwhore=P, me whose face looks fat here

Many units of L-alanine made for the building of secondary protein structures: the alpha helix and beta pleated sheet.

The following conversation ACTUALLY took place.

Steph: wah so hard to join them, why don’t we put them closely and just tell sir we kaudim already? (as you all can see,when many molecules are put closely together, it looks like a complexe molecule to you)

(the 3 of us sorta figured out how to build the beta pleated sheet by eliminating ‘water’)

Me: For the hydrogen bonds, which O atom do we join to?

Steph (in cantonese): wah why ask me?

Me: (gestured dr. y to come) Sir, sir!

Dr. Y: Yes?

Steph and Me: Which O do we join the hydrogen bonds to?

Dr. Y: You are supposed to figure out yourself, you are supposed to build the model like Watson and Crick.

Me: But we are stephanie and gw. (ok that was so lame la!!!)

Steph: *laughing*

*Drum rolls* The beta pleated sheet!!!

Steph: cheh, what’s so hard? we are ‘tin choi’ (genius) ah! Don’t know why the lab session is until 12.15 p.m. We can eat soon!! *triumphant smile*

              Some moments of twisting of the molecule and mind-numbing sessions later, we finally came up with a almost-complete-alpha helix; we didn’t complete it because everyone already left and tat stressed steph out there was a lack of a ‘middle molecule’ for us to build the complete one. A few friends said bravo to us for the patience =)

             fOr your info, we had to use the exact bond length (converted in a table in the booklet) for say, C-H, C-N , )-H etc. Then there is the colour we had to follow for each element, not to mention, the bond angle (Carbon comes in tetrahedral and trigonal)

The quite-complete alpha helix.

            ‘Tis is the season of exams. Yet, like it or not, the ultimate outcome is either pass or FAIL. Failure means you have not succeeded in clearing your papers to move forward to another semester.

             Yet, that is not the end of the days, my friends. Before I write out what failure is, let me tell you what failure in exams is NOT. Failure in exams does NOT mean failure in life. It merely means that you probably lack of luck/understanding in the subject/hard work. Take a while and ponder over yourself-ask yourself deep inside your heart, have you really put in your best effort? If you have, then please do not feel useless or helpless; for failure is just another process of life.

              In studies, what is of utmost importance, (to me at least), is the ATTITUDE. You may be really smart and you do not need to study a lot; yet if you have this wrong attitude about learning, I do not respect you. However, if you have NOT been one who disrespect lecturers by talking in class, absent in class for no valid reason, been putting your heart in learning, and yet in the end, you failed- you are NOT to be ashamed of yourself. Because you have given your best and sometimes, we all have things to learn from  failure. Perhaps the study method went wrong? Perhaps the wrong technique in answering exams questions? BE A FIGHTER, do a post-mortem, reflect on your past, and work for your goal; for we are all here FOR YOU, supporting you.

‘The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather the lack of WILL’

           Since I am surrounded my medical friends and the killer bpharm friends, we all know that the academic road ahead of us is NOT smooth-sailing. Like Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong said, ‘nothing is easy if it is worth your while’. It is ok to break down to cry, for I have been there, done that. In fact, I had a worse experience than failing exams. I still remember how I was touched my what my best friend,ml said. She is a fighter, for she never gave up though her effort wasn’t exactly paid off. She could think of failure in exams (she didn’t fail, just that it didn’t get her her course of choice) in a +ve way. She enpowered me to be strong in my helpless moments.

               After the letting-out of emotions, it is time to pick yourself up and fight =) For the only one who can truly help yourself, is nobody else but Y-O-U.

                 For those stressed because of exams, I bet you all know that stressed is DESSERTS spelt backwards. Life’s ironny huh? Just another example to show that 2 extreme things may just be separated by a fine line. Go get yourself some nice desserts if you feel stressed may be, I know a best friend of mine loves to munch on chocs when she is stressed studying. All the best to all my dear friends out there who are going to have exams/re-sits =)

                 Happy 2007 everyone! No matter how you have spent your new year’s eve, may 2007 usher in bundles of joy, happiness, health, and luck to you all =) Well, since I have not seen any fan’s tag blog reader’s comment/tag in my private blog, I have decided to put up this post here. *cough* so my ardent readers of friendster blog should get the hint ya…

New year’s eve

             Look at my ‘hang ‘fuk’ face and you all can guess where it originates from *reminiscing*..FOOD is something that can make me go really far for…so now you all know my weakness…

             FINALLY before year 2006 ended, I got to eat Paddington’s Pancake in The Curve! I have heard about it since college days from may ling and shin but I have never got the chance to go there with friends. I ordered a dessert because I had had dinner with family at home. It was yummy =) and the never-ending-list-of-appealing pancakes in the menu is beckoning me to pay ANOTHER visit!! Foong jin said that there is an outlet in One U *eyes widened, made a mental note to check it out*

             Time seemed so short when you haven’t met a group of evergreen friends for a long time. Not to mention, I missed out the fireworks coz my parents came and fetched me at 11 p.m. though I told them my guy friend would fetch me bacl. ‘we are going to genting early morn tmr, you must be back early to be able to wake up’ ‘you all won’t be able to reach home by 12.40 p.m. even if you leave right after the countdown because of the jam’……..

              So I said good bye to my friends, vodkas and other alcoholic drinks and above all, fireworks in The Curve. However, I wasn’t sad or anything for the time was well-spent with my dear friends.

1st day of New Year

             Our whole family headed to Awana, Genting for a getaway. The trip was more for the sports facilities and greeneries in Awana rather than the Genting Theme Park.

             Today, my 2 sisters and I did Flying- Fox. At Rm 15 per adult, we vowed to play 10 times but was cut off but the workers who had to go for lunch. We were satisfied that we did 6 times though =)

Flying fox in Awana. My slipper slipped off once and my sis was nice to pick up for me at the slope. Another sis ‘flew’ to my side and gave me my slipper.

Here are some lovely paintings I saw in the gallery in Awana.

A town overlooking c crystal-blue sea. This reminds me of Acropolis in Greece, somehow.

A busy street in Paris with Eiffel Tower as the backdrop. Gosh this reminds me of my future UK trip that I always look forward to. May be I will have to wait till my honeymoon (if I am lucky enough) to visit France, Italy, Spain….

Tomorrow, 3/1/2007

             The start of a hectic semester 4 for me. The end to my drama spree, youtube spree, lazing-about-worrying-about-nothing days, story-books-reading days, baking days etc…..

               I have made 9 new year’s resolutions (which I am NOT going to publisized here) and I hope I will be able to fulfil them. I have another packet of choc chips lying in the kitchen so I hope this weekend I will have time to bake chop chip cookies. The recipe from the library had better work!! Then I am yet to meet  my ‘long-lost twin’, Monica (refer to pic in friendster), edward, kim jou, yee ket, tze teng…..

                Like parasailing, flying-fox and many other sports, a lof of things in life is difficult in the FIRST step. Once you have taken that bold step, the rest of the things will fall into place. The quote that I saw in Lim Goh Tong’s Gallery (for those who have been living in the well, Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong is the pioneer in the Genting project and owner of Genting Group.)  lies along these words ‘Do not be afraid of walking slowly, be afraid of standing still’. I shall keep reminding myself of these principles as I go through sem 4.