Chemistry is My ‘Best’ Friend
I am not sleepy now and I actually have the will and sorta mood to study BUT then I am pretty stressed now after reading the lecture note on mass spectrometry part I. I sat down for some time and only ‘got the rough idea of’ (not even fully get it) the mechanism-cleavage of the bonds yadda yadda..the problem is to figure out which part TO CUT!!!!!Thus here am I.
Oh, did I mention that I used to love chem in high school that it mattered quite a bit to me if I scored or not? The fact that my chem teacher was the type who answered my Qs with ‘jadi, apa kamu fikir?’ makes me more inquisitive in my ‘quest for the knowledge in chemistry’. The fact that she always answer my Qs with more Qs prompted me to really THINK and get more interest in chemistry. Even in A levels, though overwhelmed by those s,p,d,f and more complicated rules in electron-bonding, I was still ok with chemistry; though I realised chemistry could no longer answer my Qs, or rather, I could no longer figure out the answers to the many Qs I have in chemistry.
Since I entered uni, I grew to dislike chemistry.I totally dislike STEREOCHEMISTRY because my head spins and spins everytime I try to imagine how those isomers spin. My ‘fav’ shape will be hexagon for the obvious reason–benzene ring. Just flip through the British Pharmacopoeia, my dear medic friends (because others won’t know what I am talking about, and pharmacy friends are well aware of this AGONY) and you will find MOST of the compounds bearing a (subsituted) benzene ring.
So I am in Pharmacy and my first love is NOT chemistry. It is like waking up in the morning and realise that you lost the love for your partner who sleeps next to you in bed. (*humour intended*) Even wen yuen related to me how Prof Stephen D. in Uni of Nottingham said to the class, ‘when you all wrote your personal statement, you told us how much you are fascinated with chemistry, now….’ OH well, things change. I realised I like biology MUCH MUCH more (minus the anatomy and structure OK!!)–pathophysiology is so interesting!! I can’t wait to say goodbye to chemistry after this sem, coz sem 5 onwards we have NO chemistry!!!!
So I ask myself what do I like in pharmacy?? To start with the modules, I quite like pharmacology, pharmaceutics and behavioural science. Yes, I LOVE reading stuff on behavioural science and enjoy the session when they test us on communication skills and dealing with simulated patients (MINUS those stressful bit on ‘deducting marks)- I love the challenge in talking to difficult patients rather than solving tons of questions in spectroscopy, organic chemistry, gel electrophoresis…….
I got the much-needed relief when my mum’s friend who was a pharmacist turned ex-assistant GM in the renowned retail pharmacy turned assistant GM of a pharmaceutical company now, told me that she forgot those stuff that she learnt in uni (NOT as in which drug for which treatment-those stuff get etched in your mind when you practice pharmacy); and in hospital pharmacy, those pharmacists told me that whatever ‘angle’ (angle of repose), rotation about what bonds, plants name like sth belladona WILL NOT matter when you come out and work, unless, of course, you want to be a lecturer.
However, it kind of sucks when you no longer can do what you used to do. Sigh. You keep wondering, ‘what if….’ and bring on the notions of ‘the road not taken’…you keep pondering on what lies ahead of you….then, you get back to reality…and more stress plagued you..the portfolio that requires you to choose a drug (yes, as in sildnafil, theophylline those REAL drugs) and show how you are going to analyze them *Chemistry again*, the pile of notes that you have yet to digest, the uni days that lie ahead…….
On the brighter side, it does make a difference when you have something to look forward to- you no longer feel that life is so rote-learning, memorizing and regurgitating stuff. When you have chinese new year and gatherings to look forward to…when you have true friends to talk to, when you have this ‘ultimate goal’ of being a professional to sustain your current ‘hang fuk’ lifestyle, you thank your parents for having brought you thus far, and you give yourself a pat on the shoulders for having walked thus far to be where you are now.
p/s: I miss mandarin oriental’s dimsum, paramount’s prawn mee, jalan 222’s hokkien mee.
p/s 2: I need to get a wallet though I LOVE my roxy wallet because the inner compartments have holes =(
p/s 3: Once I get my paycheque,(I hope it will be before CNY), I think I will get another pair of Levi’s jeans (my first and only pair of Levi’s was bought using my FIRST paycheque ever) AND a new wallet.
Life is not that bad after all.
